She was trapped in a whirl of thinkings, emotions,
frustations…
She began to know how life could be.
And yes, I am that girl, Laura.
I am not saying I am the only one in the world who is in a
bad moment right now, due to coronavirus we all are in.
Another year almost lost. I wasn’t admitted at the 4
different classes that I selected…
I don’t know what to write about, I just want to forget
everything for a couple of hours.
Sometimes it is better to trap yourself into your own
imagination bubble, pretending like you don’t feel anything, that everything is
ok… But no, life is not like that. I
think life is neutral, but very extreme in terms of good and bad things.
I feel like a beautiful bird trapped in a big black coloured
cage. You can fly, but not as much as you want. You see other doing best things
while you are still trapped, knowing that you can do it even better.
I have a beautiful and powerful mind, I can do everything,
but my mind is very sensitive too.
I feel anxious, and slightly depressed all the time. It is
like I have all my senses intensified, and I suffer very easily.
Since a few years I have depersonalization and derealization,
due to prolongued anxiety and adaptative disorders.
It is like a period of time, where you can’t recognize
yourself, your body, your face, your voice, you see the photos and your images
in a mirror and you don’t know who you are, everything is weird, like a dream,
people scare me a little without any reason and more…
But in all moment I am aware of myself, thinking: all that
horror is just anxiety.
I go to the pschologist one time every 3 months…
Not everything is bad, I passed to English C1.2 at School
Languages in Ciudad Real.
Bachillerato looks the same boring thing… but it is time to realize
that it is neccesary to begin again…
During this quarantine, I discovered my objetives: work at
medicine researching or liderate my own researching. I enjoy a lot analizing
and discovering things in a laboratory. But I have to wait for it.
At the moment, I am fighting and acepting my own mind, that
have its bad things, but very ones too. I’ll keep being strong.
